you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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