Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
