She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
