You're so nebulous sometimes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
