day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
