i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
