the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
