Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
