i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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