Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
