I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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