You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
