Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
