Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
