genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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