Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
