We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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