Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
