I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
