i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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