Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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