wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
