I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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