I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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