My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
