i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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