Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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