I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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