Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
