just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
