actually, I'm a sock model
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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