You just made me feel so damn special
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
