she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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