Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
