can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
