I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
