I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
