Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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