apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
