Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
