matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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