I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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