oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"