Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms

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(502): I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms http://tfl.nu/f928

Replies (30) Good night (645) Bad night (7451)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.

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(614): I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/za6c

Replies (21) Good night (4992) Bad night (928)
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(660): View more from Missouri

Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

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(660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3

Replies (7) Good night (5170) Bad night (1150)
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(817): View more from Texas

2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.

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(817): 2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester. http://tfl.nu/1qgy

Replies (5) Good night (2799) Bad night (999)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?

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(715): I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME? http://tfl.nu/q3mm

Replies (12) Good night (2315) Bad night (771)
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(205): View more from Alabama

So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?

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(205): So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life? http://tfl.nu/xark

Replies (6) Good night (632) Bad night (1546)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.

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(720): I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer. http://tfl.nu/jm0p

Replies (7) Good night (542) Bad night (1249)
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(563): View more from Iowa

So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!

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(563): So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes! http://tfl.nu/5w2r

Replies (5) Good night (1805) Bad night (547)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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(563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop

Replies (10) Good night (805) Bad night (1371)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I just blew my weed a kiss

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(828): I just blew my weed a kiss http://tfl.nu/vers

Replies (6) Good night (1151) Bad night (532)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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(931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj

Replies (6) Good night (2031) Bad night (560)
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(705): View more from Ontario

I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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(705): I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager http://tfl.nu/uera

Replies (2) Good night (576) Bad night (522)
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(559): View more from California

I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."

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(559): I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce." http://tfl.nu/n8hm

Replies (2) Good night (899) Bad night (598)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.

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(978): Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup. http://tfl.nu/pt6l

Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (402)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.

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(605): Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea. http://tfl.nu/sf5o

Replies (0) Good night (196) Bad night (239)

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