Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure