where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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