I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
