I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.