Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?