I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
