somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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