coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
