I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
