I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize