I could have mohawked her pubes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize