You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
