yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Girls should come with a carfax report
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize