I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
