You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
