If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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