i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i came on her dog
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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