we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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