Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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