So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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