I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
