im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
