If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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