Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
