i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
