eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
