Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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