new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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