Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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