hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did i just pee glitter
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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