probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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