Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
