I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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