am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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