Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
